Unbearable Yet Unavoidable

You could say I’ve been on a journey of sorts. I reached a point where I had to trade my career for my mental health, therapy, physical therapy, and so, so many medical appointments.

Something that comes up frequently is my relentless pursuit to avoid discomfort. I’m not talking about anything snazzy here; I’m talking about the decisions I make based on the presence of, or anticipation of, physical or mental pain. It’s normal to want to avoid discomfort to an extent, but I have a particularly low tolerance for it. This is partly due to the enormous amount of discomfort I’ve endured to date in my almost 40 years and partly due to being a highly sensitive person (HSP), so pain or discomfort is noticed sooner and felt deeper than most. Only 20% of people are HSPs and even fewer are introverted HSPs with ADHD, PTSD, OCD, and a (an obvious, lol?) history of trauma.

I have heard over and over from meditation teachers and my therapist that pain and grief are both unbearable yet unavoidable. I chose my words carefully because I don’t think I have starting living this truth this yet. So many of my life’s actions have been trying to prevent or reduce the agony I’ve experienced, not comprehending that these things are normal, natural, and not usually permanently debilitating.

For example, aging is unavoidable and often painful, but it is also many other things. If we can accept that hardships are inevitable as we get older, perhaps we can spend less time dreading old age or fearing the eventual death of ourselves and/or loved ones.

If I can accept that sometimes I am going to have social anxiety, high levels of pain, quick exhaustion, heat intolerance, etc., then perhaps I can benefit more from the joys of living by my values and experiencing life as I desire it.

Although I am only in the early stages of practicing this, I have already learned that my body is strong and capable of healing and recovering, even if I do end up super sore after doing something I love. The happy memories of participating in something that fills my cup last much longer than the soreness which does eventually go away. I’ve learned that I can sleep early and often, if needed, to catch up on rest. I’ve also learned that some days I need a free schedule more than I need anything else, so I will cancel everything if that’s what feels right.

I will always be uncomfortable in the presence of pain, grief, and stress. Right now, the key is figuring how to nurture myself during it and how to recover after it.